Domestic Violence Services & Education
Domestic violence is a pattern of power, control, and coercion. Whether it’s bruises, financial control, constant put-downs, or fear—you do not deserve to live in terror. We are here to help you regain your freedom.
Abuse Isn’t Always Physical. If It Feels Wrong, It Is.
“Is This Happening to Me?”
If you are wondering whether your relationship is healthy, ask yourself if you often experience or if your partner regularly does any of the following:
- 🚩 Walking on Eggshells: Do you constantly monitor your words or actions to avoid explosive tempers, mood swings, or accusations?
- 🚩 Isolation: Do they demand you stop seeing friends or family, monitor your phone/location, or make you dependent on them?
- 🚩 Financial Control: Do they restrict your access to money, make you explain every penny, prevent you from working, or ruin your credit?
- 🚩 Blame & Sabotage: Do they blame you, alcohol, or stress for their behavior? Do they start fights before important events, work, or school?
- 🚩 Coercion & Threats: Do they threaten suicide, threaten to take your kids, hurt your pets, or destroy your belongings when angry?
- 🚩 Physical & Extreme Violence: Have they ever put their hands on you, choked/strangled you, blocked an exit, or physically prevented you from leaving a room?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, you are dealing with abuse. Abuse rarely gets better on its own, but you do not have to navigate it by yourself. You are not alone!
Understanding the Types of Abuse
What It Is:
Physical abuse is the use of physical force, threats of violence, or physical intimidation to cause pain, injury, fear, or bodily control. Physical abuse rarely starts out with extreme violence—it often escalates over time, beginning with smaller acts of physical intimidation.
How it Might Look:
- Hitting, slapping, punching, shoving, kicking, grabbing arms, or biting.
- Non-fatal strangulation (choking) or putting hands around your neck.
- Blocking doorways, hallway exits, or car doors so you physically cannot leave a room or building.
- Driving recklessly at high speeds while you are in the passenger seat to terrify you.
- Throwing objects at you, punching walls, kicking doors, or destroying your personal belongings near you.
- Denying you medical care, withholding prescribed medication, or preventing you from sleeping.
How It Might Feel:
- Feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells, assessing their facial expressions or body language.
- Flinching when they move quickly or raise their voice.
- Feeling trapped in your own home or afraid to go to sleep.
- Making excuses for “accidental” bruises or injuries to friends and family.
Key Statistic:
🚨 Critical Risk Alert: Non-fatal strangulation (choking) is one of the single most dangerous indicators of domestic violence. A survivor who has been choked by an abusive partner is 750% more likely to be killed by that partner. If strangulation is happening, please reach out for an emergency safety plan immediately.
What It Is:
Emotional & Psychological abuse is a systematic attack on your self-esteem, independent thinking, and mental stability. The goal is to make you question your own reality, doubt your sanity, and feel completely reliant on the abuser.
How It Might Look:
- Gaslighting: Denying events happened, twisting facts, or telling you “You’re crazy,” “You’re misremembering,” or “You’re making things up.”
- Extreme Isolation: Demanding you stop talking to friends or family, claiming your loved ones “don’t really care about you,” or starting fights whenever you make plans outside the home.
- The “Silent Treatment”: Punishing you with cold, unpredictable silence for hours or days until you apologize for something you didn’t do.
- Threats of Harm: Threatening to commit suicide, hurt themselves, take your children, or harm your pets if you ever mention leaving.
- Constant Criticism: Relentless insults, mocking your appearance, put-downs, or embarrassing you publicly under the guise of “just joking.”
How It Might Feel:
- Constantly second-guessing your own memory, feelings, or judgment.
- Feeling exhausted from trying to keep the peace or apologize just to end a fight.
- Feeling utterly alone, disconnected from family, and believing no one else would want or love you.
- Feeling like a shell of the person you used to be.
Key Statistic:
Over 95% of survivors who experience physical domestic violence report that emotional and psychological abuse preceded or accompanied the physical violence.
What It Is:
Financial abuse is the deliberate control of your financial resources, designed to make you completely financially dependent on the abuser so that leaving feels economically impossible.
How It Might Look:
- Giving you a strict “allowance” and demanding receipts for every single penny you spend.
- Forbidding you from getting a job, forcing you to quit, or sabotaging your employment (e.g., calling your workplace repeatedly, starting fights before big work presentations, or denying you transportation).
- Maxing out credit cards or opening loans in your name without your permission, ruining your credit score.
- Hiding joint bank accounts, tax returns, or financial documents from you.
- Refusing to pay household bills, rent, or child support, forcing you into debt or homelessness.
How It Might Feel:
- Panicking about how you will buy basic food, gas, or medicine for yourself or your children.
- Feeling completely trapped because you don’t have a personal bank account or money saved.
- Feeling embarrassed or ashamed that you don’t have control over your own finances.
Key Statistic:
Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. It is cited as the #1 reason survivors stay in or return to an abusive relationship.
What It Is:
Digital abuse is the use of technology—phones, social media, GPS, and smart devices—to track, monitor, harass, intimidate, or control an intimate partner.
How It Might Look:
- Demanding your phone passwords, social media logins, or checking your private text messages without permission.
- Secretly placing tracking devices (like Apple AirTags) in your car, purse, or phone, or using “Find My Friends” to track your exact location 24/7.
- Demanding immediate replies to texts or calls, and becoming explosive if you don’t answer right away.
- Installing keyloggers or spyware on your phone or computer to monitor your web searches.
- Posting non-consensual intimate photos (“revenge porn”) or threatening to send private sexual photos to your employer, family, or social media connections.
How It Might Feel:
- Feeling like someone is watching your every move, even when you are physically alone.
- Feeling a rush of panic or anxiety every time your phone buzzes.
- Paranoia about your digital privacy, search history, or personal safety.
Key Statistic:
Over 80% of domestic violence advocates report that abusers use cell phone tracking, GPS, or social media surveillance to harass and track survivors.
What It Is:
Sexual abuse is any non-consensual sexual act, pressure, or behavior within a relationship. Reproductive coercion occurs when a partner controls your birth control, pregnancy, or reproductive healthcare decisions without your consent.
How it Might Look:
- Forcing or pressuring you into sexual acts, rape within a marriage or relationship, or demanding sex as “payment” or forgiveness.
- Reproductive Sabotage: Poking holes in condoms, hiding or throwing away birth control pills, removing condoms without consent (“stealthing”), or forcing you to get pregnant.
- Forcing or pressuring you to have an abortion, or conversely, physically preventing you from accessing abortion care or contraception.
- Forcing you to perform sexual acts you are uncomfortable with, or forcing you to watch porn against your will.
- Criticizing your body, calling you derogatory sexual names, or comparing your sexual performance to others.
How It Might Feel:
- Feeling violated in your own home or bed.
- Feeling like your body does not belong to you, or feeling deep shame and guilt.
- Constant fear of unintended pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Key Statistic:
1 in 10 women in the United States has experienced rape by an intimate partner, and 1 in 4 women in abusive relationships reports experiencing reproductive coercion.
What It Is:
Cultural and spiritual abuse occurs when an abuser weaponizes your faith, culture, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or immigration status to manipulate you, tear down your identity, or enforce power.
How It Might Look:
- Religious Manipulation: Using scripture, religious texts, or faith leaders to demand total submission, justify abuse, or convince you that leaving is a “sin.”
- Cultural Isolation: Forbidding you from practicing your cultural traditions, mocking your heritage/language, or preventing you from speaking your native language.
- Identity Weaponization: Threatening to “out” your sexual orientation or gender identity to family, employers, or community members without your consent.
- Immigration Threats: Threatening to call ICE, withhold citizenship paperwork, or get you deported if you report abuse or attempt to leave.
How It Might Feel:
- Feeling completely disconnected from your faith, culture, or spiritual sanctuary.
- Feeling intense shame or fear surrounding your true identity.
- Terrified that reporting abuse will result in deportation or losing your children.
Key Statistic:
Abuse crosses every single socio-economic, religious, and racial boundary. However, abusers frequently exploit systemic oppressions (like immigration status or societal prejudices) to keep vulnerable partners isolated and silent.
The Reality: You Are Not Alone
Abuse thrives in secrecy and isolation, making victims feel like they are the only ones going through it. The reality is that domestic violence affects millions of people across all backgrounds:
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience relationship violence in their lifetime.
- Over 50% of survivors experience relationship abuse for the first time between the ages of 18 and 24.
- More than half of people find it difficult to identify the early warning signs of dating violence.
How ESCADV Helps You Take Your Power Back
You don’t need to have bruises, and you don’t need to be ready to leave today to talk to us. We offer:
- Confidential Safety Planning: Practical steps to keep you and your kids safe, whether you stay or leave.
- Emergency Shelter (Hope Harbor): Safe, secure, undisclosed housing when home is no longer an option.
- Legal & Court Backup: Advocates to walk you through protective orders and sit with you in court.
- Financial & Housing Assistance: Helping you rebuild independence and secure safe, long-term housing on the Eastern Shore.